


Dust Out the Demons Inside

by perpetually_short_of_breath



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Gen, No Incest, Number Five | The Boy Gets A Hug, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetually_short_of_breath/pseuds/perpetually_short_of_breath
Summary: “You know, Number Five, out of all your siblings, your name was the only one that your father had any input on.” As though this was a good thing.Five’s heart sank a little bit. Uh-oh.(Or: The members of the Umbrella Academy receive their names, and Five does NOT like his.)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 169





	Dust Out the Demons Inside

“Quit being such a spaz.”

Number Four yanked the toothbrush out of his mouth, indignant. “Five, it’s our birthday. Why shouldn’t I be spazzy?” 

“We’re turning ten. Big whoop.” Number Five smartly tapped his toothbrush against the rim of the sink before sticking it in the toothbrush holder. 

Leave it to Five to be the practical one.

“Okay, we may not be getting any presents or cake, or anything, I’ll give you that,” Four conceded. “But—” 

“God, Four, there’s toothpaste foam all over your face, clean that shit up... Look, I’ll see you at breakfast. Don’t be late.” 

There was a loud popping sound and a flash of blue light, and Number Five was gone. He’d evidently been practicing his spatial jumps.

Four gave himself a small smile in the mirror before wiping his mouth and hurrying out of the communal bathroom. 

\-------

Reginald Hargreeves gave Four a dirty look when the latter finally arrived— Four was totally late— but surprisingly didn’t verbally reprimand him for his tardiness. “Sit!” was all the old man said.

Everyone wordlessly dropped into their respective seats at the dining table and started eating, while Grace watched on with a serene smile. 

A bland voice from a record droned on, though only Reginald actively paid attention. One and Two did their best most of the time, but today, all seven children were too antsy to listen to the instructional lecture, and kept stealing glances at their father.

They were all just wondering whether Reginald had changed his mind or forgotten about the promise he had made, when he cleared his throat and addressed his anxious crowd of seven. 

“Solomon once said that ‘A good name is rather to be chosen than riches’” —Easy to say when you have both, Five thought to himself grimly— “...With that in mind, in the hopes of encouraging a refinement of character within each of you, and in accordance with our recent agreement, I am permitting Grace to assign a name to each of you. If you don’t like it, don’t take it.” Reginald paused impressively for a moment before continuing. “However, thirty minutes from now, training will take up for the day in the courtyard, as usual. That will be all.” Reginald then rose to his feet and strode out of the room. 

“No acknowledgement of our birthday,” Five remarked to Seven, the moment Reginald was out of sight. 

“He’s not exactly the sentimental type,” Seven agreed quietly.

“Well, I’m not either, but happy birthday.”

“You, too!” 

“Alright, children!” Grace interjected. “Are you ready for your names?” 

“Yes,” Two said immediately, beaming at the android, who rewarded him with her own smile. 

“How would you like to go first, dear?”

“I’m One,” Number One protested, but Two had already said yes. Grace beckoned for Two to follow her out of the room— Apparently, she was telling them their names individually, in private. 

One looked miffed, and turned to Three, who immediately backed him up. “That’s not how it works, she should’ve let you go first!” She never failed, when it came to buttering up One’s already inflated ego.

Five rolled his eyes. “It isn’t going to kill you, not to be first, just this once, Number One.” 

One bristled. “If Dad were here right now— ” 

“... Uh, happy birthday, guys,” Six piped up in an over-cheerful voice, evidently feeling that it would be best to change the subject before One got too riled up. 

“Right back at you, Sixy,” Four grinned at Six, who grimaced.

“Um— Maybe don’t call me that.”

“What? Why not?” Four asked in mock dismay. 

Before Six could reply, Two reentered the dining room, looking pleased with himself.

“What’d you get?” Six asked eagerly, as though asking about a test score. 

“Diego,” Two said proudly. 

“Nice!”

Grace poked her head into the dining room. “Alright, One. Now it’s your turn!” 

In this fashion, One became Luther, Three became Allison, Four became Klaus, and Five—

“Five, dear, are you ready?” Grace asked.

Five drew himself to his feet and was surprised by how quickly he moved to join Grace in the main foyer. He was actually eager to be assigned an actual name, even though he’d scoffed earlier at Four— Klaus, now— for being excited, too. 

The constant reminder that normalcy was out of reach for the Hargreeves children was finally being covered up, though it was ten years overdue. 

Grace began by saying, “You know, Number Five, out of all your siblings, your name was the only one that your father had any input on.” As though this was a good thing. 

Five’s heart sank a little bit. Uh-oh, he thought. The others, so far, had all been given practical names that would wear well. Watch him get stuck with something like Ernest. Five was an old soul, sure, but not that old. He thought of his father’s affinity for ancient Greek literature— Reginald better not have picked out Odysseus for him, or something. 

“Your father sees something in you that he doesn’t see in any of your siblings,” Grace continued, still wearing her bright smile. 

“What about Number One?” Five asked apprehensively. This couldn’t possibly be about playing favorites, Five thought— Reginald was probably paying Five back for skipping training last Wednesday, or for purposely letting his chemistry experiment blow up on Thursday… Maybe it’s gonna Bertram. Or Hephzibah. 

“You all have different strengths,” Grace replied vaguely. “But, your father believes that your strengths are most similar to his, so he’s requested that you be named—” 

“Oh, God, no.” Five’s stomach turned over as he realized where the android was going with this. 

“—Reginald Jr.” 

Five’s suspicions were confirmed. “No,” he repeated. His mind had gone strangely blank. Five knew exactly how he felt about this terrible development, but somehow couldn’t find the words to articulate his thoughts— A jarring first. 

Grace’s smile faltered every so slightly, which Five noted with bitter satisfaction, even though he knew that her confusion was artificial, just like everything else about her. “I don’t understand, dear. Do you not want a name?”

“Not that name,” Five said. He was alarmed by the way his voice cracked. 

“Now, now. Mr. Hargreeves is a great man; Industrialist, inventor, Olympic gold medalist. You should be proud that he wants you as his namesake!”

“I’d rather bite off my own tongue.” 

Grace blinked slowly, apparently having not been programmed to respond to statements like this. “...Now, dear, you do understand that it’s either Reginald Jr. or nothing, right?” 

“Fine,” Five spat. “Just don’t— Don’t tell the others about this.” 

\-------

“Five, what did you get?” Six squirmed in his seat, evidently excited that his own turn was surely next. 

Five cursed himself for going back into the dining room. Stupid. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he said as carelessly as possible, “I’m sticking with Five, actually.” 

“What?” Luther frowned. “Why?” 

“None of your business,” Five snapped. He clenched his fists and blinked up to his bedroom-- A feat he’d never accomplished before, from such a distance. If it had happened under any other circumstances, he’d have been thrilled.

\-------

“Wonder what that was about,” Allison remarked.

“I dunno,” Klaus said, not sounding too worried. He looked to be more interested in his thumb-wrestling match with Diego. 

“Well, he seemed really upset,” Seven piped up. 

Diego rolled his eyes. “No shit.”

Seven shrunk back in her chair, and no one paid her any more attention.

Six’s eyebrows scrunched with concern. “Maybe we should…” But his voice trailed off as Grace entered the dining room once again. Before she even opened her mouth, he had scrambled to his feet. “Coming, Mother!” 

“Shit!” Klaus exclaimed as Diego fatally pinned down Klaus’s thumb with his own. “Every time…”

\-------

After dinner, Reginald and Luther sat outside under the oak tree in the courtyard together as the sun set. 

Ordinarily, Luther would have wanted to spend this limited slot of free-time with his siblings, especially Three— Allison— but tonight, he had something he wanted to discuss with his father, which led to Luther asking the old man if they could meet out here, even though he’d never initiated one of these weirdly stiff meetings before (it wasn’t quite bonding time) and surprisingly, Reginald had accepted. 

It took a while, but eventually Luther gathered the courage to speak up. “Uh— Sir?” 

“Hm?” Reginald was absorbed in reading from a thick, leatherbound book, and didn’t seem to be really paying attention to Luther. However, at least Luther got a response, at all. 

So, the boy pressed on. “Number Five didn’t accept his name. I was wondering, why not? What was it?”

“Ah.” Reginald needed to choose his words carefully here. He’d reflected that Number Five’s refusal was, perhaps, for the best; Number One would probably have taken offense to finding out that he hadn’t been chosen as Reginald’s namesake, which might have made him less loyal to Reginald. 

With dignity, Reginald said, “If Number Five has elected not to share that information with you, then I will not, either. He is your teammate, and it is in your best interest, as Number One, to respect his privacy, in order to keep the unit in peak condition.” 

Telling the boy to respect the feelings of others was a very un-Reginald-like sentiment, but, well— It served his purposes, in this case. 

“Yes, sir.” Luther tried not to look too disappointed. 

\-------

In the ten years of Seven’s life— Vanya’s life— she had never once witnessed Five seem truly upset before, much less cry before, but, from what she was hearing, it sounded like that was exactly what he was doing, at the moment. He was at least sniffling a bunch, and he’d been terribly quiet during training all day.

She stood outside Five’s bedroom for several minutes, trying to gather the courage to knock, but it was Five who ended up making the first move. “Are you gonna come in, or not?” he demanded from the other side of the closed door. 

Vanya stepped back, a bit alarmed. “Um— Can I?”

“Well, I just invited you in, didn’t I?”

“Oh, okay…” That was an invitation? Vanya reflected that neither of them were very good at interacting with people. She hesitantly turned the knob and pushed open the door, suddenly very aware of the bottle of anxiety medication rattling in her pocket. Vanya had already taken two today, but was very tempted to swallow an extra one, for good measure. 

Five was lying in bed, arms stiffly crossed across his chest, already in his baby blue pajamas. It was odd to see him so idle; He was almost always working, working, working, on some project or another.

“I know what you’re going to ask, and I’m fine,” Five said sharply, before Vanya could even open her mouth. 

Usually, Five spoke gently to Vanya, and she felt rather taken aback. But that just went to show how upset her brother actually was, she reasoned. “I thought you were a better liar than this,” she mused. 

When he didn’t answer, Vanya decided to take the hint and change the subject. “Wanna listen to some music, or something? I’m sure One— I mean, Luther— would let us use his record player…”

“Fine.”

Vanya turned, to leave for Luther’s room. “Okay, I’ll go ask—”

“Do I ever remind you of Dad?” Five blurted out. 

Vanya definitely did not think that. “Uh, no!” (Five is opening up, she thought happily, feeling flattered.) “So, something happened that made you think that?” she gathered. “Someone said something, earlier?”

After about ten beats of silence, Five nodded tersely. “Yeah.” He scrutinized Vanya, waiting for her to catch on. 

She was missing something here. Thinking hard, Vanya recalled the informal naming ceremony after breakfast this morning. It was after Five had been pulled aside by Grace that he had become upset. It was something to do with the name he’d been given… It was something to do with being similar to Reginald… “She tried to name you after Dad?” Vanya realized. 

“It wasn’t even her idea,” Five said bitterly. “She told me that Dad was the one who’d decided that.”

Vanya’s mouth fell open. “Dad, he— You?” 

“Reginald Jr,” Five confirmed. His ears were bright red. 

“Well, I think he’s crazy,” Vanya said firmly.

But Five wasn’t convinced. “I mean, we’re both ambitious, we’re both, well, smart, we’re both—” 

“Yeah, but the similarities end there,” Vanya insisted. “Dad wouldn’t help us sneak out at night and scrounge up change to get donuts, and he wouldn’t wish me happy birthday—”

“But he and I are both—” Five tried to protest.

“—And he certainly wouldn’t worry about whether or not he’s a good person,” Vanya finished. 

Five blinked, momentarily speechless. “Huh,” he finally managed. “...Sev— Vanya, don’t tell the others about this.” He turned his head away from her, and discreetly tried to blink the tears out of his eyes.

“I don’t tell them anything,” Vanya assured him, doing her best to keep the sadness out of her voice. Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, and Ben had somehow managed to exclude her more than usual today, caught up in the euphoria of finally having real names and finally being ten years old. 

“Five, I hope you know that you can trust me. Even if I were closer to the others, I wouldn’t tell them anything about you that you didn’t want me to.” Vanya felt embarrassed, being this vulnerable, but forced herself to finish her thoughts. “I care about you too much and wouldn’t want to do anything to…” Shoot, she’d just learned a vocab word that would work perfectly here. “...Jeopardize our relationship.” 

The smile that Five gave her in response to this speech was very small, but Vanya could tell that her words had calmed him down; The boy wasn’t holding himself so rigidly now. 

“You’re a good sister… I appreciate you,” Five muttered, as though he were admitting an embarrassing secret. 

“And you’re a good brother,” Vanya returned. “Um… can I please give you a hug?” 

Nonchalantly— “If you must.”

**Author's Note:**

> I got the title from Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues". I'd appreciate any feedback on this fic!


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